Ko Wai Ahau

He wahine te tohu i te tapu; he wahine hoki te kai whakanoa I te tapu.

I was in my third year of school when I first came to realise that I was different than the others , for most of my cousins and friends were of a darker complexion and only a few were the same as me , But who cared ? We were all good mates and the unity we had in helping each other in defending the family honour in the playground scraps left us all in no doubt where our loyalties were.

At this time I also noticed that the other boy’s with fair complexions were calling me "nigger lover" and refusing to allow me to join in with them when my cousins weren’t around , and those Maori boys who came with their parents from the north to work the season at the Freezing Works or the Shearing Gangs , they were so much like my cousins yet they also treated me so differently .

Yes it was so confusing and the sorrow of it all was asking my grandmother who replied " you will find the answer one day" .

Oh ! Nanna , if only you could have told me this Whakatauaki (proverb) I discovered later in life.

Toku toa , he toa rangatira

As I approached my seventeenth birthday and after a few brushes with the law it was decided that discipline would do no harm and in keeping with family tradition of having a family member in the Armed Services , I would be the one, who was volunteered to join , so it was off to the Navy ho, ho, ho..

Yes ! acceptance at last , no matter what colour or creed you were everyone on the lower deck was equal . You lived together, worked together , defended the ships name together , teamwork was the order of the day , your very survival depended on it .

But wait , it was too good to be true , the upper deck officers , them with all the gold braid , they have a code all of their own and to find yourself charged with " Silent Contempt" was beyond understanding and you just had to accept it . Hello Ardmore Military Prison.

Oh ! how I wish I could have told those officers that in our culture our facial expressions is a gift handed down from our ancestors , Had they not seen a Haka ?:

He tou tirairaka

In retrospect the Navy days , were good days for they laid a strong foundation for the future to come . It was where one began to analyse one’s role in their daily life and the tasks they were undertaking , what are we doing here ? , should we be here at all ? These protesters at home , maybe they are right , after all we are on other peoples land and it’s their argument not ours , do we have the right to interfere ? Time to exit the bullets and bullshit for one has discovered and learnt the meaning of a old African Proverb .

Have I made a mistake ? this civilian life is such a bore , the wife , the kids , the mortgage , and the same work day after day . What’s happening to me ? is this to be my future ? surely there is something more exciting than this . Kia Ora and welcome to the Ponsonby Maori Community Centre , I must have past you a thousand times and not recognized you were there , but at last I’ve found the "thing" that’s been missing in my life . The warmth generated from this place was the fix that I needed.

He kokonga whare e kitea , he kokonga ngakau e kore e kitea : 

( The corners of the house are seen , but not so are the corners of the heart )

Kia Ora Joe ; Just what is this problem you have at Bastion Point , the newspapers and Muldoon are quoting this and that , and you and the families are saying they are both wrong , what is the real story here bro , just give it to us straight ."Watch your fingers" the constable calls as the cell door closed.

Te toto o te tangata , he kai ; te oranga o te tangata , he whenua .

Kia Ora Tuhoe : children of the mist

No matter how many times one has seen death , or paid tribute to friends who have departed , there is always something about the passing of one of your own that affects you more , the pain lingers on and there seems to be no answers to the questions you keep asking yourself . Why has this happened to me?, to the family? How do we carry on?

(You have fallen our daughter, Debbie, like the shining cuckoo I call aimless in my sadness, lie in peace, you will never be forgotten)

Yes Children of the Mist and People of the Land. So often in our lives we tend to forget the other living creatures that surround us every day. When did you last stop to consider them? Every day one of natures creations gives it’s life to sustain ours, Nature has it’s laws, Honour those who have honoured you, for when you take from nature, take only enough to sustain life, and in taking don’t forget to give something in return. Farewell Tuhoe.

(May the calm be widespread, may the sea be as the smooth greenstone, and may the rays of sunshine forever dance along your pathway)

Now that I’ve walked the trails of the Navy, Auckland Urban life and the Tuhoe People it is time to return to where the journey began Waipango, where life began many years before, Yes grandma I found the answer along the trails that I’ve walked and a lot more besides, but grandma what difference would it have made if you had told me the answer in the first place?

Toward's 2005  

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Last modified: January 11, 2002